About Me
Sunday, March 26, 2006
A Commonplace Book of Inconsidered Trifles
ASWATOSO:
Actually surviving without any therapist or support organisation.
Canadians visit other countries as if they were guests; Americans as if they were at home.
Heard on R4, poss. Desert Island Discs
"Boldly going forwards 'cos we can't find reverse"
Seen on back of bus near Crosby, 20/3/97
In the Israeli Army, people who want to avoid conscription can plead that they're mentally unsuitable. A programme on R4 explained how some people fake it to fail the medical. The clause under which they can fail the medical is known as Profile 21.
Which is spookily close to Catch-22 where you could be sent home if you were nuts - you just had to ask. The catch was, that if you were sane enough to want out, you weren't nuts enough to go.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative
"I couldn't speak - it came out in scribbles."
Steve Pritchard 20/3/97 describing being tongue-tied when
trying to speak to a beautiful girl at a school when he was in his 20's.
"The library contains a lot of dead wood"
Liz Mosse, Peace Centre Business Meeting, 11/9/95
Don't run until you can . . . tie your own laces
Panama belongs to us - we stole it fair and square.
It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it square in the eye.
There comes a time when you have to put principle aside and do what's right.
I deny the allegations and defy the allegators.
It doesn't pay to fiddle while Rome is burning and the tigers are nipping at our heels.
From time to time you must divorce yourself from the heat of battle, drop back ten and count your marbles.
Richard Lederer of San Diego, on elected or appointed members of
US government, quoted in Bent's Notes, Bookseller
If you have trouble having an erection and want to have one, try falling asleep with your flies open on a National Express coach.
Jeremy Hardy, News Quiz, 10/11/00
You only 'feel stupid' when you hide your ignorance. If you admit it, it's alright.
Lucy Gannon, Desert Island Discs Sep 98
Lucy keeps saying she's seen a lion in the road. Mum checks and says "It's a dog: and when you say your prayers you must ask God to forgive you."
Later when asked, Lucy says,
"I asked him, Mum."
"What did he say?"
"He said 'Don't mention it, Lucy, I often make the same mistake myself.'"
God talks to the Church through the world, as well as the other way round.
Thought for the day, 20/9/96
He doesn't listen; he pauses while you speak, then he resumes at the semi-colon where he left off.
of Conor Cruise O'Brien on RTE May 1998
The only thing wrong with (name or place) could be fixed by holding it under water for ten minutes.
Also 'Bouncers who looked like extras from King Solomon's Mines.'
American on ?Start the Week?
If we hadn't gone over there, they wouldn't have come over here.
Of immigrants, R4 play about Jean (?)Wilson Johnson 2/3/1999
If you don't do anything, you're as bad as them. If you can't stop it, then at least walk away.
Susan Sarandon to her children (about issues/events)
The England Rugby Team is beaten 19-0 in Dublin. An Englishman, coming out, says,
"I say - bit bloody rough, being beaten 19 - nil by the bloody Paddys!"
He is overheard by an Irishman, who says,
"The way you were playing, you were lucky to get nil!"
"I turned on the radio so I could listen to the 'silence'"
Pauline Buchanan, of Remembrance Sunday, 17/3/96
"Lust is what makes you keep wanting to do it,
even when you have no desire to be with each other.
Love is what makes you keep wanting to be with each other,
even when you have no desire to do it."
Judith Viorst, quoted in chiasmus.com
Anthony Jay defined luck as "the moment when preparation meets opportunity"
Men often say "I've become so much more attractive to other women since I got married"
It's because their wife has made them wear decent clothes.
Jeremy Hardy, News Quiz, 10/11/00
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both end up all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Aphorisms on Afternoon Shift, R4, 30/5/97.
Two things (after choosing parents carefully) lead to long healthy life - not being poor, and being loved.
Sensible-sounding doctor who didn't over-like slimming and health food.
On RTE discussion about what was needed for long healthy life, re- diet etc. 10/11/98
Nothing rhymes with 'orange'
No it doesn't!
The cut and thrust of this debate is so severe that the only escape is by thinking.
Said in US debate about public services
The only mistake you can make is not joining in.
Nan Musgrove, 5/7/97, about circle dance workshops.
"The softest thing about them is their teeth"
Irish radio; someone talking about their political opponents.
"Don't worry - We'll get Portillo one day"
Pauline 1/8/96. Me having bad time & letting Clinton
(limiting relief [benefits] for single mums to two years; no more than 5 yrs in all)
and Portillo (in part of former Yugoslavia selling communications, air defence and TANKS)
get me down.
"Preach always, and - when you have to - use words"
St. Augustin
On a scale of one to hard, that's VERY hard.
Evelyn, Waterstone's Gateshead.
The meaning of an African woman's name, Radio 4 May 1995. Didn't catch the actual name, which sounded like one word . . . .
"She comes in with her own things; she walks like a lion."
It is illegal in Liverpool to stare lustfully at the private parts of shop-window models.
R4 Sept 98 the law quiz game
A man from the ISPCA (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) was being interviewed on RTE Radio about the rôle of Dublin Zoo in the age of television. Another programme guest said,
"Why do you need zoos, when you've got television?"
The RTE announcer said,
"Why do you need television, when you've got radio?"
"...You see, they're not in the EEC so you've no VAT on anything"
About Tenerife as a holiday place, overheard at Morrison's checkout, 01/02/1995
"Well, how would YOU have done it?"
"Under an assumed name!"
"It's a unique airport and, being unique, it stands alone. In fact, it's probably the most unique airport in the world."
A pilot-trainer for Cathay-Pacific, talking about Hong Kong's
(soon to be closed) Kai-Tak Airport. R4 2/7/98
Those who make peaceful change impossible make violent change inevitable.
J. F. Kennedy
It's not when you die, but why you die.
African woman who, when all men and boys conscripted and many killed, got together with other women (no-one else to speak out) to demand elections. Had had attempts on her life, and was asked if she was afraid. She said 'We're all going to die - all of us - but what's important is not when you die (I imagined she'd say 'HOW') - but WHY you die. 2/7/96.
In a discussion about age, someone said,
"98? Who wants to be 98?"
"Someone who's 97." offered George Melly
"There are few situations in life that cannot be honourably settled, and without loss of time, by either suicide, a bag of gold, or by thrusting a despised adversary over the edge of a precipice in the dark of night."
Kai Lung's Golden Hours, by Ernest Bramah.
"You might as well ask a fox how it got 'involved' in fox-hunting - we'd no choice!"
Women, asked how they got 'involved' in miners' strike support.
You can work for a charity and try to conceal the evidence (of poverty, homelessness etc, by 'fixing it' or taking it off the streets) or you can ask why it's happening, which is political.
Someone on R4 3/8/98 re Charity being 'political'
Writing can change people; people can change society
Ariel Dorfman R4 8/4/99
My writing is to make people think, not to tell them what to think.
Nadime Gordimer R4 8/4/99
Actually surviving without any therapist or support organisation.
Canadians visit other countries as if they were guests; Americans as if they were at home.
Heard on R4, poss. Desert Island Discs
"Boldly going forwards 'cos we can't find reverse"
Seen on back of bus near Crosby, 20/3/97
In the Israeli Army, people who want to avoid conscription can plead that they're mentally unsuitable. A programme on R4 explained how some people fake it to fail the medical. The clause under which they can fail the medical is known as Profile 21.
Which is spookily close to Catch-22 where you could be sent home if you were nuts - you just had to ask. The catch was, that if you were sane enough to want out, you weren't nuts enough to go.
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative
"I couldn't speak - it came out in scribbles."
Steve Pritchard 20/3/97 describing being tongue-tied when
trying to speak to a beautiful girl at a school when he was in his 20's.
"The library contains a lot of dead wood"
Liz Mosse, Peace Centre Business Meeting, 11/9/95
Don't run until you can . . . tie your own laces
Panama belongs to us - we stole it fair and square.
It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it square in the eye.
There comes a time when you have to put principle aside and do what's right.
I deny the allegations and defy the allegators.
It doesn't pay to fiddle while Rome is burning and the tigers are nipping at our heels.
From time to time you must divorce yourself from the heat of battle, drop back ten and count your marbles.
Richard Lederer of San Diego, on elected or appointed members of
US government, quoted in Bent's Notes, Bookseller
If you have trouble having an erection and want to have one, try falling asleep with your flies open on a National Express coach.
Jeremy Hardy, News Quiz, 10/11/00
You only 'feel stupid' when you hide your ignorance. If you admit it, it's alright.
Lucy Gannon, Desert Island Discs Sep 98
Lucy keeps saying she's seen a lion in the road. Mum checks and says "It's a dog: and when you say your prayers you must ask God to forgive you."
Later when asked, Lucy says,
"I asked him, Mum."
"What did he say?"
"He said 'Don't mention it, Lucy, I often make the same mistake myself.'"
God talks to the Church through the world, as well as the other way round.
Thought for the day, 20/9/96
He doesn't listen; he pauses while you speak, then he resumes at the semi-colon where he left off.
of Conor Cruise O'Brien on RTE May 1998
The only thing wrong with (name or place) could be fixed by holding it under water for ten minutes.
Also 'Bouncers who looked like extras from King Solomon's Mines.'
American on ?Start the Week?
If we hadn't gone over there, they wouldn't have come over here.
Of immigrants, R4 play about Jean (?)Wilson Johnson 2/3/1999
If you don't do anything, you're as bad as them. If you can't stop it, then at least walk away.
Susan Sarandon to her children (about issues/events)
The England Rugby Team is beaten 19-0 in Dublin. An Englishman, coming out, says,
"I say - bit bloody rough, being beaten 19 - nil by the bloody Paddys!"
He is overheard by an Irishman, who says,
"The way you were playing, you were lucky to get nil!"
"I turned on the radio so I could listen to the 'silence'"
Pauline Buchanan, of Remembrance Sunday, 17/3/96
"Lust is what makes you keep wanting to do it,
even when you have no desire to be with each other.
Love is what makes you keep wanting to be with each other,
even when you have no desire to do it."
Judith Viorst, quoted in chiasmus.com
Anthony Jay defined luck as "the moment when preparation meets opportunity"
Men often say "I've become so much more attractive to other women since I got married"
It's because their wife has made them wear decent clothes.
Jeremy Hardy, News Quiz, 10/11/00
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both end up all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Aphorisms on Afternoon Shift, R4, 30/5/97.
Two things (after choosing parents carefully) lead to long healthy life - not being poor, and being loved.
Sensible-sounding doctor who didn't over-like slimming and health food.
On RTE discussion about what was needed for long healthy life, re- diet etc. 10/11/98
Nothing rhymes with 'orange'
No it doesn't!
The cut and thrust of this debate is so severe that the only escape is by thinking.
Said in US debate about public services
The only mistake you can make is not joining in.
Nan Musgrove, 5/7/97, about circle dance workshops.
"The softest thing about them is their teeth"
Irish radio; someone talking about their political opponents.
"Don't worry - We'll get Portillo one day"
Pauline 1/8/96. Me having bad time & letting Clinton
(limiting relief [benefits] for single mums to two years; no more than 5 yrs in all)
and Portillo (in part of former Yugoslavia selling communications, air defence and TANKS)
get me down.
"Preach always, and - when you have to - use words"
St. Augustin
On a scale of one to hard, that's VERY hard.
Evelyn, Waterstone's Gateshead.
The meaning of an African woman's name, Radio 4 May 1995. Didn't catch the actual name, which sounded like one word . . . .
"She comes in with her own things; she walks like a lion."
It is illegal in Liverpool to stare lustfully at the private parts of shop-window models.
R4 Sept 98 the law quiz game
A man from the ISPCA (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) was being interviewed on RTE Radio about the rôle of Dublin Zoo in the age of television. Another programme guest said,
"Why do you need zoos, when you've got television?"
The RTE announcer said,
"Why do you need television, when you've got radio?"
"...You see, they're not in the EEC so you've no VAT on anything"
About Tenerife as a holiday place, overheard at Morrison's checkout, 01/02/1995
"Well, how would YOU have done it?"
"Under an assumed name!"
"It's a unique airport and, being unique, it stands alone. In fact, it's probably the most unique airport in the world."
A pilot-trainer for Cathay-Pacific, talking about Hong Kong's
(soon to be closed) Kai-Tak Airport. R4 2/7/98
Those who make peaceful change impossible make violent change inevitable.
J. F. Kennedy
It's not when you die, but why you die.
African woman who, when all men and boys conscripted and many killed, got together with other women (no-one else to speak out) to demand elections. Had had attempts on her life, and was asked if she was afraid. She said 'We're all going to die - all of us - but what's important is not when you die (I imagined she'd say 'HOW') - but WHY you die. 2/7/96.
In a discussion about age, someone said,
"98? Who wants to be 98?"
"Someone who's 97." offered George Melly
"There are few situations in life that cannot be honourably settled, and without loss of time, by either suicide, a bag of gold, or by thrusting a despised adversary over the edge of a precipice in the dark of night."
Kai Lung's Golden Hours, by Ernest Bramah.
"You might as well ask a fox how it got 'involved' in fox-hunting - we'd no choice!"
Women, asked how they got 'involved' in miners' strike support.
You can work for a charity and try to conceal the evidence (of poverty, homelessness etc, by 'fixing it' or taking it off the streets) or you can ask why it's happening, which is political.
Someone on R4 3/8/98 re Charity being 'political'
Writing can change people; people can change society
Ariel Dorfman R4 8/4/99
My writing is to make people think, not to tell them what to think.
Nadime Gordimer R4 8/4/99
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Imponderables
- Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?
What does occasional furniture do the rest of the time?
How can you have a jug full of evaporated milk?
What shape did things go before we had pears?
How is it possible to have a controlled explosion?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If all the world’s a stage, where does the audience sit?
If the No. 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still No. 2?
Why is there an expiry date on sour cream?
If most car accidents happen within five miles of home, why doesn’t everybody move ten miles away?
If the black box flight recorders are so tough, why don’t they make the whole plane out of the same material?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown as well?
Why do the people who paint the words in the middle of the traffic lanes all have the same handwriting?
What shape do pears go when it all starts going wrong?
Can you think of a nicer word for ‘euphemism’?
What’s another word for ‘thesaurus’?
Oxymorons:
Socialist worker
Military intelligence
Young conservative
Microsoft Works
The first page of a new notebook
Inspired by Beverly Nadelman's blog http://www.bevsbailiwick-clippings.blogspot.com/ , this is me hesitatingly starting my own and trying ever-so-hard to find something worthwhile to write. I retired from full time work in June 2005, on a meagre almost-enough-to-pay-utilities pension; earn odd amounts facilitating drum circles; expect to run out of money soon; and am happier than I've ever been. (This from a person who doesn't do 'happy')
The name? I was nick-named The Blithe Curmudgeon by lovely Rea Fox, of O'ahu, Hawaii, from my activities and attitude as a moderator on the Drum Circle Facilitators' Yahoo Group.
The name? I was nick-named The Blithe Curmudgeon by lovely Rea Fox, of O'ahu, Hawaii, from my activities and attitude as a moderator on the Drum Circle Facilitators' Yahoo Group.
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